HEDSPITAL!




You look sick.




Let us take care of you!




We'll rush you to the Hedspital.




First, read up on the latest treatment options...




...and watch a film about your diseases.




Then drop by the Nurses Station...




We'll fill your prescription and help with the paperwork.





And we'll insist that you drink this.
(Don't worry, Medicare covers Vodka + Creme De Menthe.)




It will all be over soon.




This may sting!




Hold still!




We seem to have found the problem.




You didn't need this, either.




"Remember- no swimming for at least 20 minutes!"




"Intelligent Dance Music"




Post-op rehabilitate in the SARS Kissing Booth.




Or would you care to visit Ye Olde HIV Brain-Fuck Kiosk?
[Ed. Note: Ye Olde HIV Brain-Fuck Kiosk was poorly documented.
Imagine it structurally sound, strobe-lit and without a big heart obscuring our condom-sprinkled brain bucket.]




Take your meds!




We also offer music therapy.




Look carefully- we even provide Saxual Healing!




We use only state-of-the-art equipment.




In acute cases, we aren't afraid to explore more experimental procedures.
Above, Dr. Bad Pioneer explains the therapeutic foundations of Top Cock Theater,
which his colleague, Dr. A. Mishap, is about to unveil.

(To enjoy a longer, meatier Top Cock,
cluck heyah and enter the Electric Chalet.
Impatient outpatients may cluck straight to the Top Cock, about 10 minutes into the show.)




Dr. Happ was savagely beaten by Club Fever mercenaries right after Top Cock Theater.
They broke his arm -- in the Hedspital!
Irony is a bitch!
Cluck heeyah to learn the shocking truth!